Thursday, 13 December 2012
Love His Definition
It's no secret that Constantine is one of my top two favorite movies. The fact that a man defiled his soul by, almost successfully, committing suicide and becomes hell bent. He spends the majority of his life trying to rectify his mistakes by doing seldom good deeds which have hint of manipulation to serve as a self-rewarding purpose: to win his soul back with God.
I wasn't always a writer in the entire scheme of things. I smoked, drank and did very stupid things that one day in an epiphany of understanding had me crying over and begging God's forgiveness. For a long time I felt as though evil were mocking my change, that it knew all my secrets and I was too far gone to actually have attained redemption. I would pray the same prayer every night and got better to add multiple suffixes like "And let those who are blessed by this blessing bless others. Let this blessing continue to form its everlasting hedge upon those whom encounter it. Either directly or indirectly within your grace". I meant and still do mean, every word. My Constantine predicament had me feeling that no, "When God answers you are free" or "God has washed away your sin" or "Condemnation is not of God but the evil one!"(.. yeah, no kidding) still had me seeking God with careful eyes.
I wanted to redeem myself to God and the basis of, "Because I love Him" began to grow inside of me. Why do you love God? Is it because you fear the way your life should end? Is it because you fear the evil one more than you brave the thought of the Lord? So many questions, so much deep thoughts and quarrels with many principal meanings. The ending of Constantine is very much like the episodes I've been through, arguments with the side of evil and determining the intellectual strength of my souls desire. When you are at spiritual warefare, your flesh is weakened- for me, I was starved ( high metabolism), hadn't slept for 3 days and was surrounded by guilt and doubt before the attack. By the grace of God I am able to speak about it. We all go through hard times, we all go through our denials with redemption. The most important thing you have to know is that our understanding of love only simplifies the greater meaning of God's love. We have to desire, pray and realize that their is a stronger, more intellectual and principally deeper meaning to how we should live and live in love. To how we are forgiven and should share that gratuitous lesson in forgiveness with others in the many ways possible.
"Just know that our definition of love is yet still defined by humans. And God's definition is yet still to be defined. Seek His definition and define the way you truly should love."
- Inked Pen